


I've Got The Gift Of One Liners And You've Got The Curse Of Curves

by Madzie



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-05-07 16:44:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5463746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madzie/pseuds/Madzie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I would do the same for you."</p>
<p>"Yes Blair, but the flaw with that argument is that I would never ask you to pretend to date me while having dinner with my mother." Dan finally replies, letting go of his stoic stance.</p>
<p>A series of unrelated Dair One-Shots</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Playing Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> (Title of work comes from the song "The Curse Of Curves" by Cute Is What We Aim For)
> 
> Story: Playing Pretend
> 
> Pairing: Dan&Blair
> 
> Words: 2,905
> 
> Genre: Romance/Comedy
> 
> ~Summary:  
> -Request by DairXOXO on tumblr.  
> can you write for Dair please with this fake married/fake dating prompt "I'm sorry that I got way too into playing house and accidentally kissed you passionately." Pleaseeee
> 
> Hope you like it cuteness<3

..

..

..

Playing Pretend

..

..

~0~

 

Dark clouds spec the mid afternoon sky, shielding the beams of light from touching upon the campus grounds. The students below briskly walk to their respective destinations, enduring the chill of the autumn breeze with each step taken.

Some of the students retreat to the familiarity of their respective dormitories, as others find refuge in a quaint bistro set on the crisp of the school grounds, 

A boy with locks of ebony and eyes of onyx being one of them.

"Come on Humphrey," a girl seated across from him continues to plead. "Please!"

, The young man does not make so much of a flinch to indicate his hearing her whining. Instead, his gaze lies contently on the novel placed in his hands.

"Dan," the brunette persists, while putting an extra emphasis on the ending of his name. "I would do the same for you."

"Yes Blair, but the flaw with that argument is that I would never ask you to pretend to date me while having dinner with my mother." Dan finally replies, letting go of his stoic stance.

"It's only for a couple of hours Daniel," Blair sighs exasperatedly, with a role of her warming chocolate orbs. As if the favor had no problems in the slightest.

"And what if I had a real date for tonight." The young man continues picking apart her plan.

"Oh please," she scoffs with a giggle.

"Not helping your case Waldorf," Dan cautions with a flip of the page.

"Oh come on Dan." Blair begins to feel annoyed towards his refusal to capitulate with her orders. The pair seeming always to find a way to argue. "Who was there for you when you needed someone to come with you to send off Jenny to her internship in Paris?"

"You," Dan sighs begrudgingly as he shuts the peace of literature, post slipping a marker between the pages so to find the spot once more.

"And who sent in your peace to the New Yorker, and had it published?"

"You," Dan mutters, an undertone of pain tracing each word spoken.

"And who gave you that intervention to finally get you to chop off that muppet hair?"

"I never asked for that Blair," Dan remarks.

"The point is, I'm always their for you. And now it's time for you to pay up." She clarifies.

"Fine," he submits with reluctance.

"Great!" She exclaims with a grin that would charm the coldest of peoples, dimples in full effect.

"But you can't call me Sedgwick ever again." He demands.

"Fine," she agrees with ease.

"I mean it Blair." Dan presses.

"I'll think about it." Blair mutters as she stands from her seat, and starts to redress herself into her designer jacket. "Be at my place at 6:25 sharp. I'll tell you everything you need to know then."

"I'm there." He assures.

"Thanks Sedgwick-" The brunette's dainty hands immediately move to clamp around her mouth at the sight of the role of his eyes. "Sorry, habit." She attempts to explain herself prior to racing off.

Dan smiles to himself, and gives a shake of the head towards the girl's actions.

~0~

"Now how long have we been dating." Blair questions her closest friend as she perfects the gloss gazed over her plump lips.

"Blair, we've been going over this for like half an hour…I know it." Dan complains in his slouching position on the expensive, suede couch.

"Humphrey," the chestnut eyed girl scolds as she moves to stand before him. "This is really important, we need to have these facts down."

"Except these aren't facts." Dan counters with a smug grin.  
Rather than a reply, Blair sets her stare in his direction, making her displeasure painstakingly obvious. "A year and two months," the darker haired man regurgitates as if a reprimanded child.

"Good," Blair smirks as she moves to continue refining her makeup.  
"Now we should probably be prepared if she starts asking us questions about each other." She thinks out loud.

"That's not going to be a problem. I know everything that has to do with you Waldorf."

"Oh yeah?" The young woman inquires with a raised brow.

"Yeah," Dan chuckles as he gets up so to stand before her.

"Favorite movie?"

"Breakfast at Tiffanies." Dan replies immediately. "Come on Waldorf, at least challenge me a little."

"Fine. My favorite candy?"

"You don't like candy, you find it to sweet."

"Bakery?"

"This tiny one across the street from your Dad's villa in Paris, which sells your favorite macaroons." He equips with a lopsided grin, enjoying the obvious irritation clouding over his best friend.

"Fine Mr. Know-it-all, just make sure not to act too cocky in front of my mother. Or else she'll smack that grin right from your pretty little face."

"You think I'm pretty?" He teases, uncaring of the ominous Eleanor Waldorf.

"Shut up," Blair snickers punching the boy lightly on the shoulder.

~0~

 

At precisely 7:00, as per usual, Blair's home was invaded by the buzzing indicating a visitor.

"Now stand straight, and keep the comments to yourself." Blair manages a final warning to Dan as she tugs on the skirt of her dress, so that more of her legs are concealed.

"Blair darling!" The booming sound of the brunette's mother greets as she steps through the doorway.

Dan looks up to find a tall woman, dressed in fur and far too much makeup. The man finds himself questioning the resemblance between she and Blair.

"Mother!" Blair cheers as she wraps her arms around the older woman. "Welcome."

"Thank you darling," the older woman, Eleanor, smiles. "So, introduce me to your man friend over their."

"Oh! Right!" Blair nervously chuckles, as if she had forgotten of Dan's presence completely. "Mother, this is Daniel Humphrey. And Dan, this is my mother, Eleanor Waldorf." Blair introduces the two.

"Nice to finally meet you Ms. Waldorf." Dan greets as he shakes the woman's hand.

"You have manners," Eleanor observes. "Good."

The threesome give an awkward chuckle, prior to Blair taking her mother's jacket, and leading her to the dining area.

~0~

 

The threesome sit so that Eleanor is facing the faux couple.

"The appetizers look absolutely delightful darling." Eleanor comments as she eyes the garden salad. "Complements to your chef."

"Thank you mother," Blair grins abashedly. "But actually, I made it."

"You made the appetizer?" Eleanor inquiries with wide eyes.

"Well actually, I made the whole meal." Blair corrects.

"My word, the last time we had dinner, you barely could use the oven to boil water." She laughs cynically.

"The oven was confusing," blair defends in a murmur, causing Dan to chuckle goodheartedly.

"So Daniel," Eleanor starts with a clapping of her hands. "Where did you say you were from?"

"He didn't." Blair grumbles.

"Brooklyn," Dan answers quickly, choosing to ignore Blair's annoyed comment.

"Brooklyn?" Eleanor questions with slight shock. "I never thought I'd see the day my daughter would date anyone who wasn't from Manhattan."

"Well Dan changed my mind." Blair interjects before her mother has time to continue. "He's just the best."

"I'm sure he is." Eleanor nods with a sarcastic grin.

A laps of silence falls over the threesome, only being composed of the thick tension that separate dan and blair, from the older brunette, and the clinking of metal forks hitting glass plates as they devour the salad.

"Blair darling," Eleanor starts, being the one to shatter the quiet. "You'd never guess who just got engaged." Not giving her daughter a chance to speak, Eleanor continues with her sentence. "Serena Van Der Woodson."

"Serena? Really?" Blair questions with surprise. Dan can sense the shedding of her strength by the mere mention of that name, Serena.

"Who's Serena," he asks with his gaze set on the defenseless shadow of the Blair Waldorf whom had been sitting besides him moments ago.

"An old friend of Blair's, who became one of my fashion photographers." Eleanor answers in Lou of her daughter."Well anyways, the most surprising part is that she's marrying Nate Archibald. You remember Nathaniel, don't you dear."

"Of course I do mother," Blair states, sickened by the sardonic grin etched into her mother's features. "We dated for like five years."

"Until you decided that he, and his family, who practically owns half of Wall Street, were not enough for you." The famed fashion designer nods in recollection.

 

"Mother, Nate and I weren't a good match. And besides, sense I left him, I met Dan."

"True, that is the silver lining isn't it." Eleanor grins grudgingly. "So Daniel, what do your parents do for a living."

Dan doesn't hear the question directed towards him, rather, he analyzes the girl besides him. The slump of her ordinarily straight posture, and the dark veil clouding over her warm orbs of caramel.

Once a minute passes, vacant of his answering, Blair places it upon herself to speak for him.

"His father is a curator. He owns a quaint art exhibit back in Brooklyn, and his mother is an artist herself."

"Wait a moment…" The woman pauses. "Rufus Humphrey is his father?" Eleanor chuckles.

"Yeah," Dan speaks cautiously.

"How did you know his name?" Blair questions.

"He's Lily's new play thing," Eleanor explains, causing Dan's teeth to grind.

Sensing the anger radiating from her closest friend, Blair is quick to shift the topic. 

"Let's not talk about our families anymore." She recommends.

"All right," the woman agrees. "So dear," Eleanor starts while looking at her only child. "How is college going for you? Was it worth leaving your home?"

"It's going well," Blair attempts to stay strong, not allowing her mother's cynicism to cloud her judgment. "Though I think I may change my major."

"Isn't this your last year?" The curly haired brunette questions with shock at her daughters words.

"Yes, but it's completely normal changing your major, even on your final year." Blair explains.

"Well…What do you intend on changing it to?" The woman tries to keep the judgment from her tone, but is well aware to her failure in that.

"Maybe something in fashion." Blair shrugs, hoping that the idea may make her mother proud.

"Fashion?" Eleanor repeats disbelievingly. "But honey, you don't have a designing bone in your tiny little body. How do you expect to get anywhere?"

"I don't know." Blair admits. "Perhaps I will pursue a path more focused on the business side of things. Maybe make my own brand or something."

Her mother merely shakes her head, infuriating Dan. 

"You wouldn't have to be worrying about any of this, if you had just followed my advice. You would be a mother by now, living a happy, good life."

Unable to handle her mother's disapproving tone for much longer, Blair excuses herself to the restroom, effectively leaving her mother and Dan alone.

~0~

 

"So," Eleanor begins preventing another silence. "How did you and Blair meet?"

This time Dan does hear her inquiry, though is tempted to simply ignore her. Post watching the revolting manner that she had spoken to her daughter, Dan is barely able to remain seated. Though, eventually, he does respond. For Blair, if nothing else. 

"We were living in the same hall for the first year, and ended up having a lot of the same classes."

"That's nice." Eleanor casts her gaze downwards towards her food, uncomfortable in the monotone the boy is speaking in suddenly. "So, what do you intend in-"

"What kind of mother are you." Dan questions, uncaring in his interruption.

"Excuse me?"

"The way you talked to Blair just now," he elaborates. "It was sickening."

"Young man," the older woman warns. "The way in which I speak to my daughters pertains to just that, me and my daughter. You have no business in intruding-"

"Yeah, I do." Dan argues. "You were talking to her as if she was destined to become some sort of 1950s house wife, cooking her husband's meals, and watching over the children."

"I would watch your tongue when talking with me Daniel."

"How antagonizing do you think that must sound like to have a successful business woman like yourself telling her only daughter that she isn't good enough to follow in your footsteps?" Dan continues to grill the brunette, fumed by the way she had shaken Blair so easily.

"She is well aware that I didn't intend my words to be construed that way." The woman answers without thought, remaining poised and calm.

"Are you sure?" Dan shoots. "Because I know Blair pretty well, and I've never seen her leave in the middle of something unless she was really hurting…And by the way, she's not some spoiled little girl anymore. She's the most intelligent person I know. She's intuitive, she's passionate, and painfully loyal. She's someone that anyone would be proud of calling her daughter."

"I should leave," Eleanor declares, rather than bothering responding to the dark haired boy.

"Oh no you don't," Dan nearly shouts. "Your daughter spent the entire afternoon cooking a stake dinner, with some sort of soufflé thing for dessert, for you. So how about you bite your tongue, and appreciate the remarkable woman that your daughter has become.

With slight annoyance, Eleanor returns to her seat, and sits patiently for her daughters return.

 

~0~

 

"Thank you for coming, mother." Blair speaks as she and Dan walk the woman out of her apartment.

Thankfully for each person in attendance, the remainder of the night had gone past rather quickly, with much less judgment weaved into the conversation.

"Of course darling," the curly haired woman smiles. "I can't wait for the next time we have a chance to catch up."

"Neither can I," Blair assures as the pair parts from their hug.

Eleanor turns to the doorway so to exit, though before she is able to leave, she faces her daughter once more.

"Blair, you change your major as many times as you please, I know whatever you choose to do in your life, you will be brilliant at it."

Stunned, Blair merely nods in thanks as she watches her mother's retreating form.

"Well…that was excruciating." Dan sighs as the wooden door shuts.

"Well what did you expect from an evening having dinner with not one but two Waldorf Women." Blair counters with a small smirk.

"Very very true." Dan concedes with half a grin.

"Thanks again for coming tonight, I have no idea what she would have done when finding out that I'm still single." Blair smiles.

"Of course Waldorf, you can always count on me."

"I know." Blair breathes, while never straying her gaze from his all too familiar face. A handsome face, she notes.

"I better get going," he announces. "I've got a big discussion on racial profiling in the media tomorrow."

"Joyful," Blair mutters sarcastically.

"Tell me about it." Dan chuckles as he slips on his jacket.

Blair begins to gnaw on her lower lip, a pesky habit she had acquired as a child for whenever she was nervous. But, before too much thought, the brunette speaks what is running through her mind.

"Dan…" He looks up at the nervous tone she uses. "I heard what you said to my mother when I left."

Realization dawns over his expression quickly, a light flush along with it.

"I meant what I said." he proclaims without thought.

"Thank you," she smiles. "And you know that I think you're the most intelligent and tolerable person I've ever met either, right?"

"Yeah," he laughs. "You're pretty tolerable yourself."

They both extend their arms for a customary hug in goodbye, however, in an instance of confusion, their lips seem to move towards one another. Colliding with a mixture of unfamiliarity , and desperation.

One hand remains firmly on her hip, as the other rakes through her once neatly combed locks, while her hands clutch on to his collar, pressing harder against him.  
Perhaps it was caused by the numerous glasses of wine they had consumed during supper, but neither stopped. In fact, it only seemed to become increasingly heated.  
They don't stop until he crashes Blair into the wall, knocking over and breaking one of the numerous portraits hanging.

They split apart in an instant, neither knowing what should be spoken to rake over what had just occurred. He adjusts his shirt, with the buttons that remain, and she flattens her wild tresses of chestnut.

"We're pretty drunk." Blair rationalizes.

"And we were pretending to be an item all night in front of your mom." Dan adds.

"Yeah," she breaks a grin. "That must be it."

"…So I'll see you tomorrow for lunch at the cafe?" Dan asks hopefully.

"Of course," Blair reasons. "Why not?"

"Cool," Dan agrees as he leaves, the door shutting behind him.

Though, before the beauty could head to her room for refuge from this insane night, the door opens once more, and she finds the nervous form of her best friend standing in the frame.

"Blair," he starts with an anxious swallow. "Would you like to go out to dinner tomorrow night, minus any insane mother's."

"Like as a date?" The brunette wonders with raised brows.

Dan merely nods, not being able to form any words.

"Sounds good Sedgwick." She grins, breathless.

..

..

..

..


	2. Letting Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~Request by womanaction on tumblr: blair would try to seduce dan to foil georgina's plans in 3x2 with the party and such. obviously chuck would need to be out of the picture (they could have never gotten back together at the end of s2 or they could have broken up over summer). lmk if that tickles your plotbunnies:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story: Letting Go
> 
> Pairing: Dan Humphrey & Blair Waldorf
> 
> Words: 694
> 
> Genre: A bit angstyish romanticish Just a weird little drable
> 
> Summary:  
> ~Request by womanaction on tumblr: blair would try to seduce dan to foil georgina's plans in 3x2 with the party and such. obviously chuck would need to be out of the picture (they could have never gotten back together at the end of s2 or they could have broken up over summer). lmk if that tickles your plotbunnies:)
> 
> A?N: Hey my fellow Dairling <3<3<3 Thank you so much for your prompt, and I completely understand about those neglected multi-chaps…So I rewatched the episode again, and the thing is, I don't see how Blair's sleeping with Dan would effect Georgina's party…It's before Georgina and Dan start that creepy relationship…So I kinda shifted it so that her sleeping with dan is kind of a release of frustration…Sorry if it's disappointing, or completely OOC…But thank you again for the prompt.

~0~

she is absolutely seething, a glare plastered onto her doll like features, her dainty hands clenched into fists , and the thought of dragging that ginger haired demon by her ponytail, running over and over in her thoughts.

How dare Georgina Sparks ever dare speak to she, Blair Cornelia Waldorf, in such a manner.  
"  
A freak who will never fit in."  
"  
Of course Blair would not fit in, she is meant to rise far above these average commoners. She should be placed atop a pedestal, and be treated as the queen she so forcefully fought to be. However, Blair's fury begins to dwindle as she watches the reincarnation of Satan hand out those damned, neon flyers, the emotion being replaced by the insecurity she has suffered with her entire life.

Perhaps Georgina's comment comes from a place of truth, rather than one of vengeance. In the passing months, Blair had been rejected by the school she had always dreamt to attend, she had let go of the two boys who had acted as if they would actually fight for her, and now…Now she is swarmed by the snide comments, and curious gawking teens that she would ordinarily be disgusted by, but now, they make her feel as if a "freak.," an insignificant insect.

Shaking the thoughts from her head, Blair saunters into the nearest building, in search of a pastry, or a dozen, wanting nothing more than to lock herself into a bathroom, and release all her pent up emotions…Though, before she can place her order, she spots him.

He sits with a group of coeds, a grin adorning his ordinarily brooding features, and a glint of joy sparkling in his eyes. The others stare towards him with total admiration, and cling on each word spilling from his lips, acting as if the Brooklyn native had just been granted a Pulitzer.

Without a thought, the brunette calls his name.

"What's up Waldorf," he spares her a glance, straying from the conversation for just a moment.

Blair sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, unsure to what exactly she wants from him…Though watching as he sits there, speaking with a confidence and sincerity that would enthrall the dumbest of persons, Blair doesn't second guess herself.

She nudges her head to the side, indicating that she would like to speak with him privately.

A cloud of worry shading his expression, Dan excuses himself from the table, and follows her as if a lost puppy.

~0~

 

"Blair, can you just tell me what's happening-" dan questions her before the petite girl drags him into the nearest restroom.

"What the hell is going on Waldorf," he barks, having been taken completely off guard.

"Just shut up Humphrey," she demands before clamping her plump lips over his.

The boy stiffens in shock, never expecting such a move by the feisty brunette in a million years. He pulls away, questioning her motives.

"Look, I'm having a crappy day, and at the moment, you're trivial fame by these stoned millennials has garnered a minute amount of interest by me, and I need to forget that I am actually a student at a public institution."

"And why do you think I would ever consent to this," he challenges.

"You had sex with a teacher, in a closet!" Blair scoffs. "I think this poses a very tempting offer to you, especially if we keep this a secret."

Rather than continuing to argue with the girl he still thinks of as the wicked Queen B, Dan leans downwards, reasoning that a new college, means new experiences, and it isn't as if she was the most revolting girl in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading<3 Pleaseeeee let me know what you think :)


	3. How We Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next monday, Blair expects that their relationship will remain precisely the same, her snide comments, and his quick comebacks. Although, that morning, on the M.E.T steps, they cross each others paths, and he grants her a look. Not a smile, because he knew that would infuriate her, but not his ordinary indifference either…Something in-between, something that made Blair feel as if she wasn't so alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~Request by Anon on Tumblr: How About Dair, Blair falls for Dan First in high school.  
> -I did a twist on 2x08
> 
> Story: How We Fall
> 
> Pairing: Dan&Blair Slight Chair, Derena, and Nair
> 
> Genre: Angstyish
> 
> Words: 1,638..

**

The buzz of the grand city continued throughout the night, honking horns and shouting voices making it so the window she peers through begins to shake.

The street lights stream through the glass, tracing a path down her face for the salty droplets to follow. She holds in her silent sobs, biting so forcefully against her bottom lip, that the metallic taste of her own blood stains the inside of her mouth.

Her thoughts are consumed by him, by the coldness in his stare, and The venom that weaved through each word he shot in her direction, uncaring of her feelings in the slightest.  
"  
Just another one of your games."

His words sting as if he had poured an entire bottle of alcohol onto an open wound. Blair begins to doubt if she would ever be what anyone would want, it always seeming as if she is falling short. 

Not a good enough daughter to keep her parents together, not a good enough girlfriend to keep Nate from cheating on her, and not interesting enough for Chuck to want her without these sick little games.

The brunette is finally dragged out of her own thoughts by the sound of the taxi driver's voice asking the teen where she would like to be dropped off.

For an instant, Blair hasn't the slightest idea of how to answer him. The last thing she wishes to do is find herself grieving in the cold solitude that the Waldorf home provides. Though, she also despises the thought of running towards her ever joyful best friend, who would offer hollow words of sympathy, pretending as if she could ever relate to Blair's pain.

The driver questions the brunette once more, and without a moment's thought, she rattles off an address that she is shocked in having memorized…It isn't as if she had ever came to the home willingly, but at the moment, that is the only place she wants to be. Later on she would convince herself that it was out of convenience, after all, she is already in Brooklyn.

**

It's late, she is well aware in that fact, the party must have ended hours prior, he must be asleep. In fact, the entire Humphrey clan must be well into their slumber. However, that thought does nothing to convince her in retreating, rather, she pounds two quick wraps on the door, preying that she would be greeted by anyone but her personal royal pain.

She waits for a moment, but no one bothers to answer, so in a fit of frustration, the ordinarily neat and proper Blair Waldorf pounds her dainty fists against the wooden door. Perhaps it had been induced by the drinks she had consumed prior to arriving, or her fear of Brooklyn pedestrians. Though, the brunette has a nagging suspicion that it had much more to due with the condition of her aching heart.

Subsequent to about ten seconds of her boisterous knocking, the door flings open, revealing a disheveled and angered Dan Humphrey on the other side.

"What the hell!" He exclaims, as much as one can do while whispering at least.

"You weren't answering," she equips.

"Well I was getting up before I heard you pounding-" He falters once realizing who it is standing in his door frame. "Blair Waldorf?" He mutters. "…I must be dreaming."

"Well if your dreams are comprised of my showing up at your door in the middle of the night…Then you need to evaluate your life." She scoffs.

"Nope," Dan sighs. "In my dreams you're mute."

Not in the mood to wage a war on words with the ebony haired boy, Blair merely mumbles, "Let me in," before letting herself through.

"Sure, I don't see the problem in letting you into my home at three O'Clock in the morning." Dan snipes while shutting the door.

"He's not," Blair informs him while taking a seat on the sofa.

"Excuse me?" Dan inquiries with a craned brow.

"Chuck…" she specifies. "You told me to make sure that he's ready to quit playing games." Blair explains with words drenched in melancholy and a dejected expression. "Well, he's not."

Understanding slowly dawns over the boy, bringing with it a wave of sympathy. 

"Oh God Blair, I'm sorry-"

"Shut it!" Blair warns as she straightens her sitting posture. "The day I want a Humphrey's sympathy is the day I die."

"All right," dan sighs exasperatedly. "Then remind me why you chose to come here? Because last time I checked, we don't even really like each other."

"True," Blair agrees in a yet disheartened tone. "But I had no where else to go."

"Fair enough." Dan nods as he turns towards the miniature kitchen. "Can I get ya a drink?"

"A Gin and Tonic?" Blair wonders hopefully.

"Well we don't have that," he admits. "But we do have an excellent selection of cold beer, and wine coolers."

""Surprise me with anything from your subpar collection." Blair sighs with a wave of her dainty hand. 

"A peach wine cooler coming right up." Dan smirks as he goes to grab the beverage.

"So," he begins to question, post a long pause of speech. "What are you gonna do now? I mean, are you gonna give Chuck another chance?"

Blair takes hold of the cup of tea he has completed in making, as he takes a seat besides her.

"You know what? I think I'm about done being humiliated." Blair divulges while taking her first sip.

"Oh yeah?" He speaks with a breathy chuckle.

"Seriously," Blair defends. "I'm done with this vicious cycle of me giving my heart away, and the guy putting on a pair of cleats before stumping all over it."

"Correct me if I'm mistaken, but is Blair Waldorf giving up on love?"

"Just for now," she nods. "Just until I figure out who Blair Waldorf really is…Because I'm starting to think that she actually isn't the sort of person who screws over others, just for her own pleasure."

Another lapse falls between the pair, one that Blair believes to be permanent…Though, before too long, she hears him murmur a statement.

"Neither do I." 

**

That night, Blair had ended up falling asleep atop the incredibly uncomfortable sofa, finding that someone had draped a blanket over her. 

Once realizing where she lied, the brunette scrambled to her feet, escaping early enough that no one else in the home had awoken. As if she was taking a sickening walk of shame from the Humphrey home.

**

The next monday, Blair expects that their relationship will remain precisely the same, her snide comments, and his quick comebacks. Although, that morning, on the M.E.T steps, they cross each others paths, and he grants her a look. Not a smile, because he knew that would infuriate her, but not his ordinary indifference either…Something in-between, something that made Blair feel as if she wasn't so alone.

**

Soon enough, the kind glances turn into warm smiles, and shared jokes. They speak to each other about subjects that have nothing pertaining her golden best friend. 

They speak of paintings, of writers, of studies that they both find fascinating, and others barely have the slightest clue of.

**

It is on the brunette's birthday, that she begins to believe he knows her better than most. 

He purchases Blair a pair of tickets to the rare Van go exhibit being held for a that weekend at the Metropolitan…Of course it is he that she invited.

**

Blair is stunned in the numbness she feels towards his reunification with Serena…Her two closest friends dating…She should be over the moon. Though Blair soon realizes that for a moment in time, she had believed that the looks he gave her, and the laughs they shared could have led to something more. But of course not. What did common interests, and shared laughter compare to long legs, and golden locks.

**

Before too long, Blair found herself fallen into an old relationship. 

With Nate it had been easier. He hadn't given her the chills he once had, or the ones that Dan continued to give. But he did know her favorite movies, and the fact she ate different flavors of ice-cream depending on her mood. They may have been shallow qualities, but they were true none the less.

**

She had been thrilled when catching wind that they would share the leading roles of the senior classes rendition of The Age of Innocence. For a while Blair had thought that her feelings for the dark haired man had died down, and that she has begun to fall back in love with Nate.

Although, the kiss they shared told another story. Tender, and passionate…If she could, Blair would like to believe that the emotions were backed by their characters, though, the look they shared afterwards spoke another story.

**

It is the night of prom when she realizes that her feelings for Dan Humphrey were far beyond platonic.

The entire night, she had attempted to keep away from him, yet having not spoken of the lip lock shared a mere week ago. However, eventually, he catches her, and she is forced into excepting his offer of a dance.

It is during that sow dance, that he had called her beautiful, causing a blush as deep as a rose pedal to flush her cheeks, much brighter than anyone else had ever managed to cause her. It is also during that dance that he informs her of his splitting up with Serena, and how he could hardly wait for their attending Yale in the autumn together.

**

It is graduation, and Blair had broken up with Nate for over two weeks now, she finally deciding to give in to what her heart has been pleading for.

The moment she catches sight of him, she grabs his collar, and presses their lips together, uncaring of what anyone else thought.

The sight of his teasing grin had been, and will always be enough for her.

**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pleaseeeeeee let me know what you thought<3


	4. Run In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story: Run In
> 
> Characters: Dan Humphrey, and Blair Waldorf
> 
> Pairing: Dair 
> 
> Genre: Humor/Light hearted classic Dair
> 
> ~Request from Tumblr by Anon: i accidentally open the door right before you knock and smack you in the face au dair pretty please.  
> A/N: LOL I made this a light hearted, classic Dair Fic. I hope you like it<3

~0~

 

The first time he meets her…Well …It isn't an experience he wishes to relive.

In the simplest of terms, the ebony haired boy was frazzled…He had just moved to the big apple a little over a week ago, moving into a one room apartment with his closest friend sense childhood, on the outskirts of Brooklyn.

Somehow, post asking friends he barely knew, to poll strings that didn't exist, Dan found himself scurrying around a building, which acted as the headquarters of one of the most revered fashion magazines in the country.

Now in all honesty, the boy hadn't known the difference between navy blue, and royal blue…But he supposed that an internship here may assist him in rising to the ranks, and becoming a writer, or even edited for there admittedly not too terrible journalism peaces…And in the mean time he will have a job while working on his own novel.

However, Dan had soon deduced that the company had done so well,commercially, by paying there employees next to nothing, and working them ragged as soon as possible. And Dan proved no different.

On precisely his second day on the job, Dan was greeted with an apathetic hello by his boss, Sandra, and was handed a sheet with about fifty things he had to complete by noon, or else suffer the possibility of having his employment reassessed.

Being well aware to the implied consequences his incompletion of the tasks would result in, Dan had been running around both the building and city, like a mad man…Not wanting his first official job experience to be marred with being fired for not doing his chores.

And that's when he met her.

In the midst of delivering Sandra her far to specific sandwich order from the deli across the street, and looking over a new article that's to be published on their website by seven sharp the following morning. Dan absentmindedly swings open one of the entrances of the building, immediately stunned by the shriek coming from the other side.

As the young adult shifts his gaze upwards he finds a girl, perhaps his age, or even a year or two his junior, standing there. She is meticulously dressed, with heals that make her legs appear endless, and a matching pencil skirt, blouse combo, that puts the office hot trope to shame.

 

She was striking, with her alabaster skin, and silky locks of chestnut…Dan would dare to compare the beauty with one of those porcelain dolls his younger sister had once collected vigorously, if it weren't for the malice glimmering in her almond irises, and the snarl splayed across her delicate features.

Dan supposes the angered demeanor had something to do with the fresh coffee drenching her once pristinely egg-shell toned halter top.

In an instant the boy is apologizing profusely, thinking the girl to being a model for one of the front covers, perhaps one with a thick exotic accent, and if she's angry she would end up quitting…Ultimately resulting in his dismissal.

Though nothing could have prepared him for the flurry of bullets shot from her plump lips effortlessly, knowing precisely where to aim, and hitting her mark with each insult effortlessly. Rendering the wide eyed boy shell shocked, and attempting to understand the frustration behind the words spoken in an obvious Manhattan inflection.

"You muppet-haired, cannabis smelling, homeless dressing idiot!" She shrieks, with a wave of her arms, having already discarded her now empty coffee cup. "Do you realize what your incompetence has cost me!"

A wide eyed Dan could do nothing but stare, shocked in the fury fuming from what had appeared to be such a reserved girl.

"Cost you a pretty hefty dry cleaning bill?" Dan muses, attempting to lighten the mood.

"No you Neanderthal," the beauty fumes. "At this very moment I have a meeting with a representative with Italian Vogue, and one does not enter in a meeting with a representative from such an astounding magazine, appearing as if she had just been run over by a train three times over!"

"You can borrow my shirt if you want," Dan offers nonchalantly.

"Oh…My…God…!" The brunette nearly screams. "I can't even breathe right now. Do you even have any idea what vogue is, or are you even more pathetic then I originally thought?" She chokes out in a mixture of anger and disgust.

At this point, the onyx eyed boy had enough, the girl's over exaggerated wining having put him over the edge.

"Oh, so it's not some trashy fashion magazine that runs under a facade that it's views actually matter in the world, and won't become irrelevant in the next decades. And it isn't something that only really pathetic girls, with way to much free time, and way to much of daddy's money in their credit, read while puking their brain outs so to attempt to emulate a impossible image?" Dan spat out, with a good amount of venom and annoyance weaved into his words.

Shocked in his ability to even attempt to counter her, the alluring eyed woman crossed her arms over her chest, and hiked a flawlessly shaped brow, inquiring if he had any clue who she was.

"One of those girls?" He answers snidely.

"Try that again Brooklyn," she snarled.

"How the hell did you know I'm from Brooklyn?"

"Oh please," she waved away his question as if it garnered nothing more than the slightest amount of attention. "With that wretched scarf, combined with your archaic sense of fashion, you're lucky I hadn't immediately mistaken you for a homeless hobo. Now answer the question."

Subsequent to a moment void of any response, she sneered, with a flip of her hair.

"Try Blair Waldorf, or in layman's speak…your boss."

"You're not my boss, Sandra is," Dan Brussels, mimicking her crossed arms.

"And one day soon, I'll be sitting in her seat," blair informs him, as she sets a dainty hand on one of her hips, and a lear residing proudly across her face.  
"And one of my first accomplishments will be ridding our organization from Brooklyn scum, such as yourself," she swears with a enigmatic smirk.

Staring after Blair as she saunters off into the elevator, a boiling hatred bubbles up inside of him…Never would he ever have guessed to being madly in love with the snobbish beauty queen in less than a year.

 

~0~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked it <3  
> So please you guys, feel free to send me any prompts for Dair, I think they're is my favorite pairing to write about, just because they are so dynamic and perfect33 So pleaseeeeeee send me any requests <3<3


	5. If Your Still Listening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request by Anon on Tumblr » Dair "How can I hate someone I'm in love with." Fluff taking place post S6 but Dan was never GG because that was trash and we all know it.

“Look Dan these short stories are great and all, but they have no soul, no passion!” 

Dan runs a hand through his dark locks in frustration as he replays the conversation he had with his agent, Catarina Kapoor, from only an hour prior.

How the fuck is Dan suppose to write from his soul if the last two times he had done so it had resulted in his being plunged into a swirling mess of drama that makes him sick to this day, and threatened his relationship with the girl of his dreams far too harshly.

The taxi pulls up on the curve of the imposing building where he now lives.

Handing the driver a wad of bills, Dan supposes that he could spend the remainder of the day unwinding from the trappings of his own thoughts, and have his lovely girlfriend of two years help him figure out where to go from here.

Although as the Brooklyn native steps into the all too familiar loft, he finds himself drowning in a warp of hundreds of bouquets coalesced into a maze in the main parlor room, specked by a handful of people trying to primly place the plants into an appealing pattern, and about a dozen seamstresses beading an intricate design on a veil far too long to properly fit Goliath himself.

Before Dan could scream out to the strangers whom have invaded his home of over a year, he catches the splendid calling of his name by his beautiful partner.

“Humphrey!” She pecks a kiss onto his unshaven face. “You look Homely—“ She informs him while running a dandy hand through his dark locks. “I thought you were suppose to be meeting with Catarina until noon?”

“Yeah, I was,” Dan nods while running a noncommittal hand through his now skewed hair. “The meeting didn’t go the best.”

“What happened?” Blair pouts with her large doe eyes peering into his own as if she expected the world of him—And suddenly Dan felt a suffocating sensation that he would do anything so to not let that flicker in her eyes be scuffed away by his shortcomings as an author. 

“W-What exactly is going on here?” He deflects.

“Oh no need to worry Humphrey—” Blair waves his concerns away before turning sharply towards one of her minions—turned tentative friends—Walking through the elevator carrying a bundle of lilies. “Penelope, I intend on putting together a wedding, not the funeral of some sort of gaudy elementary school broad! Now get those pathetic excuses of flowers out of my sight!”

Only slightly aroused by Blair’s domineering stance, Dan loosely grasps the fashion icon’s wrist, and drags her into their shared kitchen.

The author is more than relieved to find the space to be cleared of anyone but Dorota’s comforting presence.

“Hello Mr. Humphrey, soon to be Mrs. Humphrey,” she smiles while pressing together a now complete sandwich. “How did meeting with big agent go?”

“Hey Dorota, do you mind giving me and Blair a minute.”

“Oh yes, I’ll go check on my children and make sure they did not break anything.” 

“Tell those munchkins that my room is still off limits!” Blair calls after her, though the fondness she feels for her nieces and nephews, (In all but name,) is found in the upturn of her lips and glimmer of the eyes. 

“Well Humphrey you’ve successfully pulled me away from my work—Quite literally—So what is so urgent that you simply must discuss it with me immediately.” 

“I’m just trying to figure out why a legion of people I don’t even know are in our living room,” Dan counters while taking a seat besides her before the table.

“Oh please Dan, that’s barely what I have on a good day.”

Dan’s brows hike up in shock, nudging for Blair to continue.

“What?” She asks defensively, arms folded against her chest.

“I thought we agreed on a small affair…You know family, a few friends, maybe a live band.” 

“Well quaint doesn’t have to mean tacky.”

“It doesn’t have to mean exuberant either,” Dan deflects.

“So you hate it?” Blair surmises. “Or worse yet you realize that I’m still that controlling, manipulative, perfectionist from high school and you hate me again and wanna call the whole thing off.”

“Woah, woah, woah,” Dan snickers, immeasurable adoration shimmering in his deep eyes of onyx. “Blair you’ve always been that controlling, manipulative, perfectionist—But how can I hate someone I’m in love with?”

He peppers kisses along her arm until reaching that soft point on her neck that he loves to nibble at whenever they’re in bed together.

“Hmmm,” Blair giggles with a grin which threatens to quite literally tear her lovely face into half. “Dan—After my last two failures of marriages—I just wanted to make sure that ours is different. I wanted to make sure ours is perfect, because I know it in my soul that this will be our last happy ever after. This is finally our fairytale ending, and I wanna make sure our guests know it too.”

“And it will be,” Dan intones fiercely, squeezing her hand into her own, needing her to understand just how utterly and irreparably he loves her. 

“So yes to the flowers?” Blair asks with a hopeful grin and twinkle in her molten eyes.

“As long as we get to waltz to Kanye’s Gold digger for our first dance?”

“You’re awful,” she scoffs with a slight chuckle pouring from her lips, before she grabs his face for a tender kiss.

“Now,” Blair straddles her fiancé’s hips. “Tell me about your meeting today?”

With a huff, Dan knows that circumventing from this conversation would be to no avail. No matter what he would eventually end up disclosing to Blair what has been gnawing at him—And not because of some sort of invisible responsibility to be truthful to one’s partner, but due to the simple fact that she is his best friend, and talking to her always makes him feel lighter and more sane.

“Well apparently I’m being to safe with my work. Catarina thinks I need to go back to my roots—You know being as raw as I was with Insider—“ 

“And? What’s so wrong with that?” Blair challenges while rubbing small circles into the nape of his neck with her thumbs—An imitation of what he was doing onto her thighs.

“Blair I know you were going through your own drama then, but neither Insider or the chapters I released later exactly catapulted me into a stable part of my life.”

“Humphrey, things have changed.” Blair admonishes. “I’m in love with you, and you’re in love with me—NO matter what, that’s not gonna change.” She proves her point with another peck of the lips, though this one is much slower, more sensual as if she were pouring all the shared love, and camaraderie they had for one another in one affectionate embrace. 

“And besides, let’s be real. All you’re best work came from writing about me.”

“You are my Zelda,” Dan leers while pushing back a rebellious curl from her forehead.

“Don’t…” she teasingly taps his nose. “…Be too cocky you Fitzgerald wannabe. Now come on, I need your input on how to arrange our centerpieces.”

With a blissful smile blooming onto his face, Dan takes Blair’s hand and they go to plan their own fairytale wedding.

Something perfectly a blend of the genuine Humphrey charm, and the alluring Waldorf flare.

 

***

 

A year later Dan Publishes a series of short stories articling the life of a far too clever, and cunning Queen who must fight for all she has earned, through a male dominated hierarchy, and the constant threat of dozens of kingdoms constantly plotting to invade her small land.

A Queen whom eventually finds her prince charming in the form of her closest of companions—A raggedy kitchen boy who had once regaled to her the stories of times long past, and kissed her like the fate of the stars depended on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty please let me know what you thought<3

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this on FF.Net
> 
> Please let me know what you thought!!! And Any requests you have :)


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